To be or not to be…the mid-mid-life crisis

What do you say when someone asks you what you want to do or be in life? Moreover, is doing the same as being? Sometimes I wonder if we had it easier as kids. At any given age, I had always known what I wanted to become, not that it didn’t change every year, however, the point being that whenever asked, I was always ready with a confident answer rattled out with full conviction. Ironically, now when I am at a stage where I need this answer the most, I’m absolutely clueless. I have lost the ability to cull out what I want, the confidence to peg where I want to be and the desire to actually become someone. 

Usually, it becomes easier to avoid the questions or to even lash out at the perpetrators for having put me in a position to formulate an answer. Unfortunately, you can’t really do that when it’s your father or your boyfriend asking you. You know all too well that they’re coming from a good place and only want to help you out rather than adding salt to your injury. But that is what I am. An injured, disillusioned girl who’s trying to take it one day at a time with no long term goal in mind. Yes, I want to make it. I don’t know what I have to make something out of though. However, life still runs on a tight schedule of planning and considerations. Oh Dear Lord, humans run a tight ship.

The only pliable solution staring at me is to fix an interview with my own self. Scary as it may sound, it has to be done. I need to get my own measure and take some strong yet hard decisions. Wish me luck, whoever’s out there!


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